This one here is a blank page,
A give-all give-everything,
from a bankrupt heart,
a minimum-wage outpouring.
This is the alarm clock with a broken snooze,
here to stop your snoring!
I am for once trying to get this in your head.
This will kill her, as if she weren’t already dead.
When you broke her, did you even think twice?
Or is that concept foreign?
Let me splash you with some chlorine,
sans water. Maybe that’ll wake you up.
Wait up, I can see you stayed up,
kept her waiting, well wait, it’s time you payed up.
It’s about time you shaped up,
you treat it like a game, I think you’ve played enough.
You’re a stray, worth nothing. She’s a treasure.
You like to say your words mean something, but they’re just trade for pleasure.
You’ve got a broken foundation.
Dig it up, rip it out, lay another and rebuild.
You better shake things around so hard that the earth is gonna stand still.
Open doors, make her know she’s yours, make that open chorus of angels play for her, so she knows it’s hers.
Make the only meaningful thing in your whole life ever, mean something, make it be the kind of thing that is forever. Forever and something.
Redefine forever and make it mean something.
It hurts to realize that no matter how much you care about someone, no matter how much you truly love them, or how much they mean to you, you will never be able to trust them. Because they will lie to you, every chance they get. They will take from you, and never give it a second thought. They will use you. Hurt you. Lead you on. They will do all of these things, and never feel an ounce of guilt. Never truly apologize. Never make things right. And you will forgive them, every single time. And they will never get what they mean to you.
But I gave you all
Close my eyes for a while Force from the world a patient smile
But I gave you all
And you rip it from my hands And you swear it’s all gone And you rip out all I have Just to say that you’ve won
Well now you’ve won
And I never meant you any harm.
Enough will never be enough. Not now and not ever. But… Please. Change.
Childhood is like a long walk up a short hill. As we reach the top we see an edge and realize we’re being led toward. At the point of adulthood we are thrown from the edge and told that we better learn to fly. We swear we aren’t ready, but in life you rarely are.
So some learn to fly before they hit the ground. They enjoy being on top. Others don’t. They hit the ground and stay there. And a few catch a ledge on the way down. Hanging in the balance they dream of the sky but fear what lies at the bottom. Their fate is to live between two fates, wanting to change, but never making it that far.
So that’s it then. I guess I’d better learn to fly.
Something I once heard leads me to write this. A whole lot of thought leads me to write this. Hours being taught the “absolute truth” lead me to write this. About christianity.
What does God expect from us?
Really.
The way I hear it is, “we arent perfect and will never be perfect. But through the blood of Jesus we’re able to be less not-perfect than we were without it.”
Seriously?
That’s our teaching?
We don’t believe that our all-powerful all-knowing Father, God, can do anything more than allow us to not be quite as bad as before we knew Him? Do you think God would sacrifice his very own Son, the darling of heaven, just so we could sin less?
God hates sin. He doesnt want us having anything to do with it. Why then would he create a human race and put so much effort into their salvation if there was no way for them to embrace salvation or be free of sin? it doesnt make sense. I believe we give God way less credit than he deserves. Hes all knowing. All powerful. Surely he can make a way to beat sin, right?
I want no part of a teaching that says we have to spend our lives trying to be perfect, but we’ll never ever ever achieve that goal. That’s a busted religion.
I want the God that says “my own darling SON died for you! He died that you can know FREEDOM from the sinful nature adam passed down to you. Freedom that you may live without the burdens of struggling against your sin. Freedom that you may walk a clean pure life and be free from carnal desire. Come and be free. My dear child, come and be free.”
I want to embrace the teaching that sin is dead when we accept the nature of God, for surely two opposing natures cannot compete within a man. The man would be torn in two. I believe “perfection” is fully atainable. I believe that sin is not a ball and chain we wear around our ankle, but a yoke that we can lay down whenever and wherever we choose to do so. I believe in a God that offers freedom and His warmth, not a busted legalistic spirit-dead borderline-agnostic religion that leaves me screaming at the night sky hoping the God that created me might hear me while I break into pieces over how broken this world is. I want and I have the God that even if I lose hope, if I lose faith, if I lose sight of Jesus and bring shame to the kingdom of heaven, in the midst of my rebellious tantrums of kicking and screaming, will whisper in my ear, “my love.”
I did something awfuly dumb this week,
such a silly thing that I would laugh,
I would chuckle, even,
had it not affected you in such a manner,
had you been disheartened by my heated behavior.
These words are for no ones eyes but yours,
even so, I will keep them for myself.
I do not wish to read them,
so I will write and forget and it will be something that I have never read.
I will hide this post and never read these words again.
With false pretense, you fell into my arms.
Ties were severed weeks before,
but you were so desperate for a single affectionate carress,
that your eyes blessed any that came your way.
When you should have sent me on my way.
I should have never shown up outside your apartment that day.
I knew so very well the reasons why,
that it had been only days since I had told you goodbye,
that our future was an impossible one,
and it could not be seen through.
But I am not so heartless a man to not come to see you.
You were gentle, when you should have hated me.
I put you through something truly awful,
and you never, after that, should have ever kissed me.
But truth be told, I knew that you missed me.
I knew that I still stood at the door of your heart,
and you begged me to come back in.
That I held the lantern by which you saw,
and you wanted to lay your head in my lap and make shadow puppets again.
Like the time we did.
Like the nights you would hide in your room until I made my way there after work,
because your father was truly mad, and your mother was sick, and you wished you could run from it.
So you sat beside me, and that Jeep of mine took us to a better place.
And we laughed when we heard Springstein, because of how right that was, how in every way there was a connection there.
And our love didn’t always rhyme,
the way these words don’t quite.
But it had such an easy flow,
and I kept it so quiet so the world would never know.
When I deleted your facebook, so the those “friends of your fathers” wouldn’t catch on.
But I let you have that fake one.
All those nights that I sang to you all those songs.
All those times that we got everything so wrong.
All those days, when the sunlight found ways to play tricks on our eyes,
and we questioned the world, and if the dirt was made of lies,
if we could wake up, if we could take up arms against the falseness,
the wrong in the world that couldn’t touch this, thing that we had.
And we had a strong tower, built upon a house of cards.
We dreampt of a two story house, and kids in the yard.
And climbing the trees in the fall so the leaves wouldn’t be let go at all,
they looked better in bunches, they looked better on branches.
And you said we could just buy duct tape, and I explained the sheer amount of tape that would require and the time involved and how it would be winter before we were even half finished, and you said we could do it, that I could do it, because you thought I could do anything, even if you were the only one, but yours was the only opinion that mattered to me. That’s just how it was, and it was just a beautiful time to be, in love.
That house of cards fell one night.
It wasn’t raining, and the moon was a three/fourths crescent,
it would not have been a bad night for dancing, like we usually did around elleven thirty or so.
Even though our rythem was off.
Even though you stepped on my feet so much that I just had you stand on them.
Even though nothing was right in the world, but we could find a moment of peace in that piece of the night.
But it was not a pleasant night.
We know what happened, and why I called the halt.
Nothing else matters, so long as we both understood.
And so it was a silly thing.
When you were in town for the afternoon, I was out at two, and I came to see you.
It was an awful thing,
to feel your teeth again.
To be warm again.
To know I was your fire and you were mine, but that our flames were being given no oxygen.
I should never have knocked.
Words were ringing out in rapid fire, fully automatic speech, but I should never have let myself talk.
I should have walked away, right then.
Put my seatbelt on, put the key in the ignition.
But that… didn’t… that just wasn’t going to happen.
And I did a silly thing this week.
I became a time-traveler.
I explored the past,
just for a minute or two, or twenty, or thirty.
Just long enough for things to feel real again.
And then I came back to the future.
But I am a thief.
And I stole my passion.
I’d been without it, I’d left it on your doorstep.
I’d given everything I had, for something I swore I would never talk about.
And due to the nature of your past, I can’t even say your name even though this post, this poem if you’ll call it that, you are what it’s all about.
A spectacular girl that I will live my life without.
But passion is brilliant, and with it, I can change the world. Like we dreamed of doing.
You have yours as well now, I hope you’re using it for the better. I hope somebody treats you better. I hope things are different in your future. I hope… I hope.
Live well.
And I’m sorry.
I hate this huge emphasis that society has placed on sex. There’s so much more to love than that, and there’s so much more to life than that.
Even if every notion of romance is dead, I promise from this moment forward to breathe life into it. It’s been a long three days. Wake up love, come and live again. Let us follow in your ways, the hearts that know your name, your absence is why society is so broken.
I still believe, however old-fashioned it may be, in a goodbye kiss on the first date, opening doors for the girl you’re taking out. Actually looking at the stars in the night sky, buying dinner, respect.
Chivalry. When that dies, so should the human race. Because that would imply the true loss of any standards, moral or otherwise, and morality is all that seperates us from the animals. And starbucks. Dolphins are so smart, but they can’t even make a decent frappuchino.
And maybe I’m outdated, but I still think sex should be reserved for marriage. No amount of YOLO-ing will change that.
Speaking of Starbucks, would anyone care to join me for a coffee? I’m feelin’ it right now.
She. Those eyes. Beautiful.
There. Right there. Everything that is perfect.
Love. It is her smile. The way she stands, unfaltering in her resolve.
She just is. And she is perfect. May I speak your name?
The distance isn’t much, But it’s an eternitys’ length.
Her wings are brilliant. Literary is literally The gown she wears.
Snapshots of the english language are the threads of her dress. Words like freedom, strength, divine and elegance.
And she’ll dance, she’ll spin. The sunslight shines from her and I am caught within.
That halo she wears, it’s everything love. Truth and beauty fall down on her from the fountain that flows from above. she is. She is beautiful.
And I wish I could take one step closer. But I am wrapped in filth, dark, and I speak much slower, Compared to the river of everything good. As with all true works of art, she find herself misunderstood.
She is. And I am not. She. I. A name I never forgot.
Few men claim the audience of angels, few men have known that ambience of their presence.
But your stance, light is so present. It is such the visual attraction, as it falls down effervescent.
It is, as you are, as she is, as I wish to be, in a way few have ever seen, this is beautiful, a perfect dream. But a dream, none the less. A dream about I and she. Another story told about you and me. She.
I have a number of good friends that are of the female variety. One thing that they all seem to have in common is a boyfriend with incredibly harsh feelings toward me. It borders on jealousy. I dont get it. It’s not like I’m a nice guy that respects females, right? Or can they comprehend that…
Like, if they’re secure in their relationship, not even a trace of jealousy will exist. In fact, if they are secure in their romance, they’ll even get that a girl needs more than just her boyfriend. If the only intimacy a person receives is with their significant other, its going to become an unhealthy, unsymbiotic relationship. And nobody wants that.
Dont misunderstand what I mean by intimacy, though. Intimacy doesn’t translate into sex, it translates into time spent together on a personal level, where love for the other person is present and growing. There are different forms of intimacy as well. Your intimate time with your boyfriend will look different than your intimate time,spent with a close or dear friend. Mostly because the relationship is of a different nature, to varying degrees.
If intimacy is non-existant outside of your romance, you won’t be satisfied. And if you aren’t, you may end up seeking a romantical intimacy outside of the one that is foremost in your life, and that is no bueno. Because there is nothing good about people getting hurt. Or jealousy. Jealousy is the darkest emotion. It’s like, their heart is full of broken glass. And it’s like a blender, throwing it around inside, gashing deep cuts inside that bleed venom. It can turn the nicest man into murderer. It can intoxicate someone in the worst way. Never. Intentionally allow someone to continue in a state of jealousy. Have a heart. Save theirs. Also. Have a warm heart for a cold nose. Adopt an animal at your local animal shelter today!!! :DDD
What if your heartbeat was the last thing that i’d ever hear, and what if you’re eyes are the last thing ill ever see? If you could promise me that, then on my deathbed I’ll swear, that I have lived the fullest life, the most beautifuly lovely and perfect life, that any man had ever dreamed of. And I really need to breathe, would you quit stealing the breath right outta me? And I need blood to bleed, but dont you ever dare give my heart back to me. And I have things to do, but I wont do a thing if that means letting go of you. You are the light, and my world has been dark for such a very long time. You are the truth, when ive only heard anything but, and you belong to me the way that the bird belongs to his wings, and I belong to you the way a city belongs to its king, you have my every street. You have my every heartbeat.
